JUNE 2026

NewsLetter

Christian Dating: Building Relationships God's Way - A Biblical and Ellen G. White Perspective

Jean-Michel Etienne, Ph.D.

For many Christian young adults, dating can be one of the hardest parts of life. Today’s culture often focuses on looks, quick satisfaction, and casual dating, but God’s plan for relationships is very different. The Bible calls us to a higher standard, preparing us not just for romance but for a lifelong commitment that honors God.

Christian dating is not simply about finding someone who makes us happy. It is about discovering God's will, developing Christlike character, and preparing for a marriage that reflects His love. Ellen G. White repeatedly emphasized that one of the most important decisions a person will ever make is choosing a life partner.

 

1. God's Original Design for Relationships

Christian dating starts with the example set in Eden, where God created Adam and Eve and brought them together in marriage.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

Marriage was God’s plan even before sin entered the world. Because of this, dating should be a time to pray and consider if a relationship could lead to a Christ-centered marriage.

Unlike modern dating culture, which often prioritizes personal pleasure and temporary companionship, biblical relationships prioritize commitment, mutual growth, and the glorification of God.

 

2. Seek God Before Seeking a Partner

One of the greatest mistakes people make is searching for a partner before establishing a strong relationship with God.

Jesus said:

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you" (Matthew 6:33).

Before looking for "the right person," Christians should focus on becoming the right person. A healthy relationship begins with two individuals who are growing spiritually and allowing Christ to shape their character.

Ellen G. White wrote:

"If men and women are in the habit of praying twice a day before they contemplate marriage, they should pray four times a day when such a step is anticipated." (Adventist Home, p. 71)

Prayer should be the foundation of every dating relationship. Seeking God's guidance can prevent many heartaches and poor decisions.

3. The Importance of Spiritual Compatibility

One of the clearest biblical principles regarding relationships is found in Paul's counsel:

"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14).

A yoke is a farming tool that joins two animals so they can pull together in the same direction. If they don’t work together, the job becomes much harder.

For Christians, being united in faith is essential. Sharing the same beliefs influences every part of life, including:

  • Worship
  • Family values
  • Child-rearing
  • Financial decisions
  • Ministry involvement
  • Moral convictions

Ellen White strongly emphasized this principle:

"The heart yearns for human love, but this love is not strong enough or pure enough or precious enough to supply the place of the love of Jesus." (Adventist Home, p. 67)

When a relationship is centered on Christ, it has a strong foundation that emotional attraction alone can’t provide.

4. Character Matters More Than Chemistry

Today’s culture often tells people to follow their feelings. While being attracted to someone matters, the Bible puts even more importance on character.

Proverbs 31:30 declares:

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."

Similarly, men and women should seek qualities such as:

  • Integrity
  • Humility
  • Kindness
  • Faithfulness
  • Self-control
  • Spiritual maturity
  • Respect for others

Looks change over time, but character becomes even more important as marriage goes on.

Ellen White counseled:

"Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every sentiment and watch every development of character in the one with whom they think to unite their life destiny." (Adventist Home, p. 48)

A wise Christian looks past outward appearance and pays attention to what’s in the heart.

5. Purity in Dating Relationships

God calls believers to purity in thought, word, and action.

Paul writes:

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality" (1 Thessalonians 4:3).

Purity isn’t just about avoiding certain actions. It’s about honoring God with both our bodies and our feelings.

Christian couples should establish healthy boundaries that protect:

  • Spiritual integrity
  • Emotional health
  • Physical purity
  • Future marriage

Jesus taught that purity starts in the heart (Matthew 5:8). Because of this, Christian dating should be about mutual respect, not physical pressure.

Ellen White warned against allowing passion to control judgment and emphasized the importance of self-control and moral purity.

6. The Value of Friendship Before Romance

Many strong Christian marriages start with real friendship.

A healthy friendship allows couples to discover:

  • Shared values
  • Spiritual goals
  • Communication styles
  • Character strengths
  • Areas of growth

Friendship gives marriage a strong base that lasts even after the excitement of romance fades.

Proverbs 17:17 states:

"A friend loves at all times."

Before getting married, couples should learn to be loyal friends to each other.

7. Involve Godly Counsel

God blesses us by giving us wise advice from mature believers.

Proverbs 15:22 says:

"Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established."

Young adults should seek guidance from:

  • Parents
  • Pastors
  • Mentors
  • Mature Christian couples
  • Trusted spiritual leaders

Ellen White frequently encouraged young people to seek the counsel of experienced Christians rather than relying solely on their emotions.

Good advice can help spot problems that strong feelings might miss.

Warning Signs to Watch For

Not every relationship is part of God’s plan. Christian dating calls for careful judgment.

Potential warning signs include:

  • Lack of spiritual interest
  • Dishonesty
  • Manipulation
  • Anger problems
  • Addiction issues
  • Disrespect toward parents
  • Controlling behavior
  • Persistent moral compromise

Love should not keep believers from seeing serious flaws in someone’s character.

If a relationship keeps pulling someone away from God, it’s important to think carefully about continuing it.

8. Dating with Purpose

Christian dating is different from worldly dating because it has a clear purpose.

The goal is not:

  • Entertainment
  • Temporary pleasure
  • Emotional dependency

The goal is:

  • Spiritual growth
  • Mutual encouragement
  • Discovering compatibility
  • Seeking God's direction toward marriage

Every dating relationship should answer an important question:

"Can we serve God more effectively together than apart?"

When Christ is at the center, dating becomes a journey of spiritual growth instead of emotional confusion.

Conclusion:

Christian dating is much more than just looking for romance. It’s a special process of seeking God’s will for one of life’s biggest choices. The Bible teaches us to look for relationships built on faith, purity, wisdom, and Christlike love. Ellen G. White also highlights the importance of prayer, character, spiritual unity, and preparing carefully for marriage.

The strongest relationships happen when both people put Jesus at the center of their lives. As they get closer to Christ, they also grow closer to each other.

When Christian dating follows God’s plan, it leads not just to marriage but to a lifelong partnership that shows His love to others.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5–6)