APRIL 2026
This article is written by Carmen Castro, Mental Health Coach
Monthly Newsletter
The Language of Pain
Jean-Michel Etienne, Ph.D.
During a conversation with one of my clients, I noticed a recurring theme. She frequently asks, “Why keep remembering the past? Why hurt ourselves with old memories?” She explained that whenever she spends time with her sister, their discussions inevitably return to painful childhood experiences. Her consistent response is: “That’s in the past. Those people are gone. Forget it.”
When I inquired about the reasoning behind her perspective, she confidently referenced Scripture: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past” (Isaiah 43:18). She further stated, “God forgives and forgets everything.”
This conversation remained with me and prompted reflection on a significant truth: trauma that is ignored remains unhealed.
The Language of Pain
Why do individuals continually revisit the past and repeat painful memories?
To illustrate, consider this scenario: someone pushes you, causing you to fall and injure your knee—the individual leaves without offering assistance. Later, you arrive at work, still upset and in pain, and recount the incident to a friend, expressing your frustration, anger, and hurt.
After listening, your friend responds, "Oh, come on, that happened hours ago. Just let it go."
How might you feel in this situation?
What thoughts would arise in your mind?
This scenario helps us begin to understand the language of pain.
The language of pain occurs when individuals express the hurt they carry from trauma indirectly. Because of shame, fear, or emotional intensity, they may not say, "I am deeply hurt." Instead, they communicate through complaints, repeated stories, frustration, or anger.
To others, these expressions may appear exhausting or irritating. Consequently, people may withdraw or distance themselves, unaware that they are leaving someone who is silently seeking help.
Two Different Responses
Let us revisit the earlier illustration.
In the first scenario, the friend dismisses the situation. The injured individual feels worse—not only physically hurt, but also emotionally neglected. This lack of validation communicates a harmful message: "Your pain does not matter." Such responses can result in deeper emotional wounds, including rejection, mistrust, and resentment.
In the second scenario, the friend responds with empathy. She observes the injury, assists with wound care, and listens attentively. She provides space for both physical and emotional pain.
This empathetic response fosters a sense of safety, brings relief, and initiates the healing process.
Empathy: A Bridge to Healing
From a biblical perspective, empathy reflects the character of Christ. Jesus did not ignore pain; He was moved by compassion (Matthew 9:36). Scripture calls us to adopt this mindset (Philippians 2:5) and to love one another deeply (John 13:34–35).
Empathy involves more than intellectual understanding; it requires choosing to draw near, listen, and care. Through empathy, God’s comfort can flow through us.
From a mental health perspective, empathy is transformative. When individuals feel heard and validated, their emotional state stabilizes.
Stress and anxiety diminish, and a sense of safety is restored. This process supports emotional healing and strengthens resilience.
Conversely, a lack of empathy can intensify pain, resulting in isolation, sadness, and potentially depression.
A Call to Awareness
Currently, society faces a growing mental health crisis. In many instances, the issue arises not only from individuals’ experiences, but also from the absence of someone who genuinely listens.
When individuals speak about their past, they are not merely recalling events; they are revealing that the pain remains present. They communicate in a language that transcends words.
Scripture reminds us, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15).
Conclusion: A Call to Action
We are called to serve as instruments of healing.
When someone expresses pain, whether through repetition, frustration, or silence, let us not ignore them. Instead, let us listen intentionally, respond with compassion, and provide a safe space where healing can begin.
Seek God’s discernment to perceive beyond words and recognize the heart behind them.
Behind many complaints, anger, or emotional distance, there is often a wounded person: someone who feels unseen, unheard, and misunderstood.
Let us strive to understand the language of pain. May our ears be willing to listen and our hearts ready to love.
In doing so, we become channels of healing, bringing hope to those who need it most.